


On Being Loved

by taekonaut



Category: Naruto
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Neglect, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, autistic!hinata, canon? haha!, hiashi dies, i hate hiashi and wish he died in canon., i put hanabi through so much, the manga ended at 699
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-09 22:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10422975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekonaut/pseuds/taekonaut
Summary: After the war, Hiashi dies. Hinata Who Was Thrown Away has feelings to sort through, a sister to take care of, and a clan to fix.Sakura has nightmares, big plans for the future, and hands to hold.





	

Hinata is haunted by words. 

Her life is full to bursting with people chanting forgive, forgive, forgive. They come to her with small, open hearts and large, closed minds and tell her the only path to happiness is forgiveness. She must forgive those who have wronged her. Forgive those who have hurt her. Forgive and move on and heal. Heal. 

Privately, she wonders if she is capable of forgiveness. Looking down at the red, puffy skin around her bleeding fingernails, the scars that line her forearms and the toughened skin on the blades of her palms, Hinata Who Was Thrown Away wonders if she is able to heal. Privately, she comes to an easy, tangled conclusion.

(No).

"I'm sorry."

Hinata finds herself with her head bowed, quiet hands folded in her lap. "I know."

"I love you."

Strange, fully alert, half-conscious, she nods. "I know."

"I would never do anything to hurt you."

"Yes, Father. I know."

Hinata has time on her hands like never before. Excluded from the masses rushing to fix and fortify, rebuild and renew, she observes the effects of war as if from inside a glass bowl. The academy seems larger instead of smaller, like she shrunk with age and it swelled with the conflict. Busier, crowded, so many children dreaming of growing into a better ninja than their role models. She stops bringing Shino his lunch because she can't breathe. It isn't a graveyard, but she gets the same feeling of claustrophobia that sets in when she visits Neji. 

There's nothing to do and very little time to do it in. Restless, directionless, Hinata goes weeks without knowing the day and months without knowing her age. The war only lasted three days. Probably. The war only lasted three days.

Ino says her new scars are wicked, says the nerves in the center of her palms may take a long time to regain full sensation, says it could be a while until her skin stops feeling tight when she makes fists. Says her new scars are wicked. Says her new scars may never heal. 

She meets Sakura behind the main streets, green eyes edged with watery red veins. She looks like she hasn't slept in days, with bags under her eyes and only ever offering small, strained smiles that disappear as quick as they come. 

"Nightmares," she says simply, uninterested, hands shaking. Always shaking. "You seen Naruto lately? Mm, I’d be surprised if you had. No one's really seen him— He's worse off than I am. God, Hinata, I feel like I haven't seen you since we made Genin."

Hinata lets Sakura take her hands, gently, just the fingers. "It has been a while." 

"I guess I haven't reached out to you, huh? Everyone's busy with their own stuff, though. I walk a lot now. Not a lot else to do. Tsunade wants me to take some time off. I’ve been thinking about, about the future."

She's lost muscle mass, lost the colour in her cheeks, lost the fire-breathing intensity Hinata used to spend hours in front of a mirror trying to emulate. 

"Come get tea with me? I have so much I want to tell you."

It lasts less than a second, but Sakura's smile seems genuine.

-

When you die a Hyuuga, your Byakugan locks away and disappears. Hinata wonders if she will see the same in the afterlife. 

-

He dies. 

Hanabi stands with her, kneels with her, but cries alone. Tears come to Hinata, but the emotion is difficult. The divide grows and grows through the service, the prayers, the main branch and the side branch relatives sharing in the grief and offering, accepting condolences. By evening, Hanabi is so far away. 

Hinata Who May Never Heal reaches out as the sun sets, brings Hanabi closer with a cautious hand on her shoulder. 

"Are we okay?" 

Hinata debates this internally with whispering, careful thoughts. "We will be."

"Are you sure?" Then, without waiting for an answer, "do you promise?"

"We'll be okay," she holds Hanabi's forearms, feeling the muscles twitch under her skin, and keeps eye-contact as her sister starts to cry. "We always are."

They have lived through war. 


End file.
